I've been dating my current boyfriend for over 3 years now. He's kind, funny, and treats me well. He is a ridiculously good person - totally selfless. I can't imagine him ever intentionally hurting me or anyone else for that matter. Despite this, I feel like our intellectual compatibility is not great. We have very separate interests/hobbies, and he doesn't really have the innate curiousity that is required to drive a conversation in something he's not interested about.
I've known this from the start and I've had my hesitations about it, but I always thought that it wasn't a big deal and his other great qualities made up for this particular issue. We've been long distance for a little over 2 years now (college, opposite sides of the world) and he's stuck through with me for it all. He would do anything to see me happy, but I'm not sure this incompatibility is something that can be fixed. I also don't know whether or not it would improve when we move in together.
When you're long distance, all you can rely on are your words. Conversations with him fall flat after knowing everything there is to know about each other for years. It ends up in a repetitive loop of "how was your day?" and listening to our different interests without really engaging. We certainly do have engaging conversations about things we both find intellectually stimulating, but they are much rarer than I'd like. We plan to close the distance in about a year.
Up until this point, this issue has always been a sore point for me about our relationship, but one that I've thought was able to be overlooked. I recently met someone (mostly online although I have met him through friends IRL) who I find so intellectually stimulating. Our interests are very closely aligned and it's just so refreshing to talk to someone who truly gets why I find certain things interesting.
I would never cheat or consider cheating, nor am I considering leaving my current bf specifically for this guy, but he has enlightened me on something I feel I'm missing from my current relationship. It certainly doesn't help that my bf and I have just been going through a low point in our relationship for various unrelated reasons (all relationships ebb and flow). I am feeling attracted/connected to this new guy purely because of our very strong intellectual compatibility. We've only been speaking for a week or two, just as friends, but I can feel myself developing a crush and I feel so guilty.
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