I don't have a choice. I have no family to rely on anymore. Unless I get NEETbux I'm just gonna stick with this.
It's really horrible when you're so depressed and full of paranoid thoughts and fear and feel disconnected, and everyone in public can tell how weird you are, and only some act kind to you, most think it's amusing or pathetic, and the ones that are kind are usually just like that because they feel bad for you. I literally can't look people in the eye and if I force myself too I creep them out. The way I walk is overly self aware paranoid and self conscious, everyone looks twice at me because of how weird I come off as, it's like an aura. When I'm on amphetamines I'm thinking about myself and other things and feel more confidence and more comfortable because I feel more myself.