No.25960
My bf and I had been together for about three years when we decided to move in together. I still have a couple of months left on my lease so I’m subletting, and more and more I’m considering moving back into my own place (which I’m sure would cause a huge fight at the least and a breakup at worst, but I’m at the end of my rope.)
We’ve been living together about two months and I am at the end of my rope. He is not a bad person (obviously) but living with him honestly reminds me of living with my mother, who was also overbearing.
Examples:
• When he gets home from work, he does a house “inspection” (he does not call it this, but i do). He goes around checking to see what’s out of place, what’s messy, etc. and if I’m not home, will text me photos of the out of place items, or what he deems too messy. It can be as excessive as a fork in the sink.
• He will just sit and stare at me sometimes, often in moments when I’d prefer not to be stared at. The most common example is when I’m eating and he isn’t. If I bring a plate into the living room so I can watch TV with him, he will sometimes pause the TV and just watch me eat. I have asked him in varying levels of annoyance why he’s watching me, and he says “Oh I just want to look at you, you’re so beautiful” or something along those lines.
• Because of the above, I’ve taken to going to another room to eat if I’m eating without him. HOWEVER, if I do that, he will question me extensively about why I need to sit in another room, why don’t I want to spend time with him, etc. even if I’m like “I’m only going to be 20 minutes!”
• This also relates to the above: if I don’t sit with him the entire time he’s home, he will grill me about why. He will call me almost every ten minutes that I’m in another room (even if in the bedroom or living room) and ask when I’ll be done, when am I coming back, etc.
• If I am in the same room with him and get up to leave, even just to go to the bathroom or get a drink, it’s like a five minute conversation about where I’m going, what am I doing, when will I be back. Just now (what sort of prompted me to write this post) I wasn’t feeling well and really had to use the restroom suddenly, and of course as I’m standing there trying to not shit my pants he’s giving me the usual questioning of where am I going, why am I leaving, can I give him a kiss before I leave, and when will I be back?
I guess there was some of this when we would visit each other or stay at each other’s apartments, but nothing as excessive as now, and when it’s your full time living place/residence it’s clear how unbelievably annoying and suffocating this behavior is.
I don’t know if I should try to talk to him about it (I’ve mentioned it in passing or like in the moment when he’s doing it, that I don’t like it) but right now I’m at the brink of just wanting to move back out, but I’m afraid he’ll want to break up if I do that since it would be setting the “rewind button” on our relationship. I really don’t know what to do because I love him and he’s a good person but this is no way to live.
[TL;DR My bf is unbelievably overbearing when we are together at home]