/what/ - mugi

Hello, Reddit.

This is really awkward and embarrassing to share, but I can't think of anywhere else to get advice. I've been dating James for just over a year. We have a really good relationship and we are good with communicating any issues that we have come to, I am very much in love with him and we are happy. Now, maybe he is very comfortable with me now; which I know is a good thing, but I'm very frustrated and I don't know if it's just me. This is the only issue I have with him. He's just constantly farting and burping and it's starting to really gross me out. It feels stupid to even type that… but it's really become excessive.

We are both graduated from school and work full time, we do not live together but he is starting to move into my apartment. This started about 5 months into our relationship and it has gotten progressively worse. He will burp constantly and blow it into my face, to a point where I will start dry heaving, because he thinks it's funny. He does the same thing with farting, always trying to do it on me because he thinks it's hilarious. I know its normal, I grew up with 4 brothers, but he is constantly FORCING it to happen.

This is not once or twice. We have spent almost every night together the past 6 months, and it will happen all night. ALL night. I have asked him to please stop because I find it really gross, especially the burping because he will do it in my face and it turns my stomach and he will apologize but still continue to do it. Or lean in for a kiss and burp in my face instead, then laugh himself to the point of tears when I act disgusted.

I thought maybe, at first, he was just really gassy and I should be more understanding because it's a natural bodily function. He does not do this when we are out to dinner or with friends. A few months ago we went to a wedding together with some members of his family and he accidentally burped really loudly like he normally does when he is alone with me, and our table went really silent and glared at him. I didn't want him to be embarrassed so I highfived him and said "Good one!" and the whole table started laughing and cheering and he afterwards he pulled me aside and said he was thankful I did so, as he was humiliated but I broke the ice. I was a bit drunk and frustrated so I asked him why he does it to me constantly but he wouldn't do it in front of other people. His reasoning is that I am his girlfriend and he should be able to "play around" with me like that. That I was being a typical girl for finding it rude, uptight, high maintenance. I didn't want to argue about it, so I told him I was none of those things and he knew it – cut the bullshit, we'll talk about it later when we're sober and just have a fun time at the party for now. And we did. But it never changes.

I've tried to make plans to be out of the house when we see each other, because even though it seems ridiculous it's starting to stress me out. I can't talk to any of my friends about it because they think it's so funny. He is a very sweet guy, I like spending time with him, but I feel nauseous when we are alone together because it's just so gross. He is starting to work longer shifts so he wants to stay in a lot most nights to relax. He started doing it during sex, as a joke, and our sex life has really suffered because of it.

A few nights ago he was texting me before he got off work, complaining about his day and he seemed really stressed out so I told him I would come over and I'll make his favorite and I'll make him forget about it. So I went over to his house and started cooking until he was off. After dinner he leaned in to kiss me, and I turned my head because I'm so used to him burping in my face. We had an argument because he was accusing me of cheating (we haven't been having sex). I told him it was because of the burping, and he said I needed to get over it, that he was only joking and I was being such a prude. That his girlfriend shouldn't reject a kiss from him yadda yadda. I told him that I've been saying this is a problem for a while, I DON'T think it's funny AT ALL. I have thrown up because of it (he started to laugh as I said that). And I just… kinda lost it. I don't really yell at people, I am a calm and collected person, so I scared him a bit. I told him it was disgusting and I am getting to the point where I'm no longer attracted to him, that I've been trying so hard to be understanding but it's a two way street. It wasn't to me about something being "gross" or "funny" any more, it was about respect.

He kind of got defensive, trying to throw in how I was overreacting, being ridiculous, but I shut it down and he apologized because he apparently didn't know I felt so strongly about it… He would try not to do it any more, at all. I don't care that it happens! I only care that he forces it. Etc.

Now, having talked it out – for the next couple of hours he actually didn't try to burp in my face or fart on me. I was so happy I could enjoy cuddling my boyfriend without trying not to vomit. So I started unzipping his pants, to make him forget about his bad day. You already know where this is going. It's humiliating but I'm going to type it out anyway, as I was trying to blow him he pushed my head down so I couldn't get away and tensed up and started farting loudly, while laughing. I was so frustrated I started crying immediately. I think he realized he did something wrong because he let go of my head and tried to hold me and he kept say "I'm sorry, I thought you meant to do it less. I thought it was going to be funny, to break the tension from before." But I got up and left his apartment.

That was two days ago. He has tried calling me, texting me constantly. I have not responded. His messages range from being very apologetic to very angry, back and forth. I don't know what to do and I feel like this relationship is over but I still love him. I feel also, really gross and violated in a way. Our mutual friends have been texting me as well asking if everything is okay, and I've tried explaining the situation to my best friend but he found it hilarious. So I'm afraid to explain it to anyone else. This is just… so stupid. I literally feel like I'm crazy; maybe I am uptight etc. I also have a lot of his stuff over here that belongs to him and I'm worried he will come back to get it and I'll have to face him. What should I do? Am I just overreacting?

tl;dr: My boyfriend is constantly burping in my face and farting on me even though I don't find it funny, am I overreacting?